To Wax, or Not to Wax?

I had been contemplating whether to buy the Groupon deal for about a week before I stopped myself to ask if it was really necessary.

The promotion was a Brazilian wax for $15.00. Or you could get two Brazilian waxes for $29.99. Or you could get four Brazilian waxes for just $49.99! Pretty good right?

It was definitely a good deal considering that most places charge between $30-$50 for one. But when you think of the idea of the service itself; having hair that grows in perhaps the most sensitive place in our bodies violently yanked from the roots, one might ask themselves, why do women wax?

I listened to a panel discussion on The Social the other day. The women talked about who women dress for. They concluded that they dress more for women than they do for men because women understand female fashion more than men do (except for Randy from Say Yes to the Dress).

Surely, Brazilian waxes are not as visible to the eye as our outfit on any given day, so we don’t get waxes for other women. Do we do it for our partner? Or…do we do it for ourselves?

Apparently, some women do.

I’ve been reading online blogs and stuff and there are some women who, only after the excruciating pain, enjoy the feeling of being bare. Completely understandable. But is hair that much of a nuisance?

I think one factor that differentiates whether you’re better off bare is your lifestyle. If you’re active, at the beach a lot, and maybe allergic to razors, Brazilians can work wonders.

I decided to pay attention to my thought process in deciding whether I wanted to purchase this deal or not. Was I doing it because it was cheap? Was I doing it because I was cheap? Was I doing it because summer was approaching?  I didn’t even know.

Increasingly, women are feeling the pressure to take it all off. And apparently, so was I. I pulled the waistband of my pyjama pants away from my body and looked at my nether region. It wasn’t ridiculously insanely crazy. In fact, I realized that I kind of liked the reminder that I was no longer a pre-pubescent twelve year old and all these years had actually counted for something.

But, I found myself enthralled by the idea of jumping on the bare bandwagon. So I purchased the deal. I went for my first out of four waxes, and had to recite every prayer I could throughout the entire process. After it was done, I felt strangely cool, like I was part of this sorority of girls that have hairless private parts.

Personally, I think people, myself included, define themselves by how well they fit “ideals”. Especially women. We’re judged so much by the texture of our hair, the straightness of our teeth, the clarity of our skin, and even what (and who) we do with our vaginas.

Maybe I’m just a little frustrated with the frivolous demands or expectations of being a woman, according to Cosmpolitan. We should get French manicures, we should wax our vaginas and we should do hot yoga in a posh and expensive studio downtown when really, we could just turn on the shower to be really hot and do some stretches in our bathrooms. For free.

I mean, who is funding all of this stuff?

That’s when I realized that I didn’t want to get a Brazilian wax. I was only attracted to the deal because, well, it was a deal that brought me closer to the ideal.

Because surely on any given day, we don’t wake up and think, “Gee, this hair that’s been there for years has got to go. It’s such an inconvenience and prevents me from doing daily activities.”

What did women do before waxing was even an option?

This, precisely, was when I realized we live in a world where there are too many options to actually savor things, and especially accept them in their natural state.

To accept ourselves as perfect beings in our natural state.

While I did have three waxes left, I really wasn’t sure if I would use them. I probably would because I would hate to think I spent the extra money, but probably not because I didn’t have a problem with being au natrel.

I don’t think women who wax have a problem with being au natrel either. Maybe just a preference. But maybe the difference between our desires highlights the beauty of us all.

To each his her own. 

The 4 (+1) Noble Truths

If there is anything that the last year has taught me, it is the following five philosophies that I have come to learn are the most basic, simple, but necessary insights in living a fruitful and enjoyable life. I hope that they offer some guidance, something to hold on to, or at least serve as words of comfort. Here are the 4 (+1) Noble Truths.

1. Don’t seek revenge.

When Mahatma Gandhi said “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind,” he was entirely correct. We tend to have this tit for tat mentality that poisons us, impedes us, and blocks us from giving and getting love in different areas of life. If someone wrongs us or hurts us, it can sometimes be our only desire to hurt them back. In theory, this sounds like a simple and logical concept, and kind of sounds like the concept of karma. But in reality, no amount of your attention and energy, no matter how small, should be spent on what could be devoted to so many other beautiful regions of life like friends, family, and self-discovery.

The solution isn’t to strike back, it should be to move forward.

Even the phrase that I once loved, “living well is the best revenge,” has it slightly wrong. It assumes that we should want to live well as revenge against people who have wronged us, when really; we should want to live well regardless. Revenge can be healthy; you just have to learn how to eat your vegetables.

2. Speak less, listen more.

My Dad always used to repeat a Guyanese saying, “Mouth open, story jump out.” Coming from the same man that always told me “Less is more,” I didn’t actually value these sayings until I grew older. I used to think that at all times, everything I felt and thought needed to be made public. Later on, I would find myself re-evaluating my thoughts and feelings, not sure of how to articulate my new ones because I adamantly proclaimed the first feelings and thoughts I felt.

How many times have you wanted to eat your words, take things back, or feel like you should have said less?

I’ve come to learn that when it comes to speaking, “quality over quantity” is the rule of thumb. It’s not how often you speak, but what you say when you do. How you feel or think about something might not be the same a week, a month, or a year from now. Don’t commit to your immediate feelings and thoughts, leave yourself, your mind, and your feelings open to change. When you get there; write it in the sky.

3. Take your time.

People who make it to the top have an air of being cool, calm, and collected. Look at Barack Obama. The guy is the President of the most powerful country in the world and every time we see him he looks like he’s enjoying a golf tournament. Taking your time with things, everything from deciding on the words you choose to speak, down to the way you drive, is the key to being grounded.

Patience is a virtue; one that we must always exercise in order to not get bogged down by the things that pile up on us in life. Everything can and will be dealt with; this we know. So why become flustered and impatient when things have not yet come to fruition in the specific way we intended?

Slow down and pace yourself. Life doesn’t need to be lived in fast motion.

4. Find your peace.

I once read an article that said the simple phrase:

“Being at peace is being with what is.”

After my mind processed the words, I felt that in that moment, I had found my peace. We often have this idea that peace is when we get everything we want and find the ultimate satisfaction in all areas of life. But if you’re like me, that hasn’t happened yet, and might not happen for a very long time.

I’ve come to learn that peace, instead, is being happy, and more importantly, being okay with everything in your life the way it is at this very moment. This means removing the people and things that you don’t want in your life, and choosing to focus instead on the people and things that you do. It means narrowing your vision to the things that advance you forward, lift you up, and fuel your aspirations.

Your attitude is everything. Using it wisely will help you find your peace.

5. Lessen your needs.

I had a very interesting discussion today with my ultrasound technician, a beautiful Pakistani woman named Sarah, about how funny it is that we have all these technologies that we view to be “necessities”, simply because they have been introduced to us. We talked about the idea that some women refuse to give birth without an epidural, when hundreds of years ago, that wasn’t even an option.

This got me thinking about the things that we can live without, but choose not to. Things like our cell phones, having a certain amount of money in the bank, having a car, or having a huge pool of friends.

The truth is, we can live without all these things, we just prefer not to.

By humbling your needs, you humble yourself. More importantly, you experience a more quintessential version of life. Remember that you are a human, and humans are capable of a lot. If you don’t believe me, look at the world that has been created around you. To think you can’t make it through the day without your cell phone is an insult to yourself. To think that you need to have thousands of dollars to survive is untrue, and to think that you must be driven somewhere is to forget you have two feet.

Be honest, be realistic, and be fair in what you think you need. Don’t devote your life to things that distract you from living it.

What You Should Be Doing This International Women's Week

Happy International Women’s Week! Didn't get the memo? Don’t worry; you’re not the only one. In fact, a large portion of the population is entirely unaware that there is an International Women’s Day yearly on March 8th. Given the lack of awareness of month-long holidays like Black History month, and week-long holidays like this one, it makes me wonder if there is any point in observing them.

Perhaps the reason for all the doubt is because I personally believe that every day should be a celebration of both my African heritage and my womanhood. But that just sounds like a well-rehearsed and predictable statement. Nonetheless, I believe it is important to observe the festivities and pay homage to the women and men that have pushed The Women’s Movement forward and also to acknowledge that globally, there is still much work to be done.

102 years ago, the first commemoration of International Women’s Day took place in four countries: Switzerland, Germany, Austria and Denmark. The day was March 19^th, and it attracted a whopping one million women AND men’s participation in public events commemorating women.

I can’t say that I’ve seen such wide-scale participation of either Black History month or International Women’s week in my lifetime, leading me to ponder whether or not these types of holidays are outdated.

Maybe “outdated” is a little harsh, but a lot less harsh than my idea of using “irrelevant”. Truthfully, it seems that  after moving on from elementary school and high school, we become out of the loop with certain celebrations, simply because we aren’t being instructed to produce a piece of art that will be hung in the auditorium to be seen by all during the assembly, or to memorize “In Flanders Fields” every November. Heck, we wouldn’t even remember half the significant days that exist if they weren’t on our calendar, or didn’t call for some extra creativity on Google’s homepage from time to time.

So how can we make sure that these celebrations, undeniably worth being observed, are properly celebrated? More importantly, how do we change the notion of them being outdated?

Firstly, we have to recognize the lack of freedom that still exists. The recent gang and bus rapes taking place in India and Pakistan, and a long list, too long, of other countries are testament enough. Despite the image of freedom plastered all over the western world, we are forgetting about our counterparts in other countries and must use this week as a platform to reach out to them, and definitely to call attention to the injustices that happen frequently to these poor and innocent victims whose rapists are often freed, or subjected to minimal punishment.

We should also keep an eye out for the events that take place internationally; believe it or not the list is very extensive. Community centers, women’s centers and universities, especially, often have guest speakers and lecturers that come in to have discussions or panel events. Attending these functions allow you not only to learn a thing or two and hear inspirational stories, but to interact with women and men that are part of a larger cultural movement; one that will arrive society at a more equal place; so we hope.

Also, it is important to take individual action. For me, writing a five-day blog with specialized topics including abuse, girl-on-girl violence, sexual ambiguity, and how women have changed the world is my contribution. Surely it won’t reach the masses, but this is me reaching out to my community to draw attention to the severely underrated and under-celebrated event. Spending time doing some research about different people involved in The Women’s Movement, looking up different laws that exist around reproductive rights and sexual self-government, and how those laws have changed and evolved over time adds to our general knowledge about these holidays-which to me, is kind of the point.

Lastly, we can participate by accepting the mere fact that the objective of these holidays, like Black History Month and International Women’s Week (and day), are simply to bring awareness. And since there is such a heightened need for awareness about these things precisely, they will not grow to be outdated and most certainly not irrelevant anytime in the near future.

So get out there, reach out to your community, and most importantly; try and learn a thing or two. Also, stay tuned for the next four blogs coming up that are guaranteed to ignite a fiery conversation.

A Happy International Women’s Week to you, men and women alike, and may you be inspired by something because of it.