Why Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer are one big mess

This weekend, Lena Dunham issued a much-needed apology to NFL star Odell Beckham Jr.

The apology came after social media users expressed outrage at her comments during an interview with Amy Schumer for Lenny Letter, a weekly online feminist newsletter. During the interview, Dunham recalled the 2016 Met Gala, where she sat next to Beckham Jr.

In the interview with Schumer, she determined that the football player was “confused” and “determined that [she] was not the shape of a woman by his standards.” She went on to say that he appeared to have a conversation with himself about whether he wanted to have sex with her, and opted instead to scroll through Instagram “rather than have to look at a woman in a bow tie.”

The issue that most people have taken with this is her projection of “white feminism” onto a black male body. People, including Dunham herself in her apology, are acknowledging her narcissistic assumptions, misogyny and over-sexualization of the football player.

But this is just one layer of this complex, multi-faceted issue that seems to plague our society over and over and over again.

Just a few days prior to this Lenny Letter interview, Amy Schumer was doing a show as part of her world tour in Stockholm, Sweden when she got heckled by a guy wearing an “I love pussies” t-shirt and yelling out “Show us your tits!”

Schumer didn’t hesitate to pause the show and publicly shame him for his remarks, to which the audience roared with applause until the heckler got kicked out.

So a few days later, when Lena Dunham made her very sexist, very narcissistic and very, dare I say, unfeminist remarks, the question—one of three that I intend to ask—becomes:

Why didn’t Amy Schumer do anything?

The simple answer is probably because they’re friends. Probably because it would’ve screwed up the interview. Probably because it would’ve resulted in a loss of money. Who really knows? The possibilities are endless. But in this case, “possibilities” is really just a substitute for the word “excuses”. 

Or maybe the real reason she didn't say anything is because neither her or Lena Dunham are real feminists. 

The interview with Schumer continued on and they got to talking about how much people ragged on her for not speaking out about comments made by a writer and comedian who had been on her show named Kurt Metzger. Metzger had made really inappropriate Facebook posts in the past; the one they were discussing particularly dealt with women who had been raped and assaulted. Their conversation expressed Schumer’s frustration at having to answer for things like this, and in her own words, “Why this week?”

Imagine that. You, a big time feminist and role model for women all around the world don’t want to answer for a man you hired who had awful things to say about women who have been raped and assaulted.

Needless to say, this is what happens when two white women who call themselves feminists with no real understanding of intersectionality sit down to talk about how feminist they are.

If Amy Schumer can interrupt a world tour to call out a heckler for saying “Show us your tits!” why on earth was she not able to pause an online newsletter interview with her friend and call attention to what those remarks really conveyed? It was her golden opportunity to change the conversation.

Dunham’s apology, posted to Instagram, followed a post of her Facetiming with Michael B. Jordan, who was also a topic in the interview. She stated that she “tried to grind [her] ass on him” and then left.

The picture was captioned, “MBJ & I are still chill after I danced on him, kids.”

Dunham’s response to this entire issue, except for maybe the apology, just maybe,

seems to be that of a person who is always right, and therefore has no idea what to do when they’re wrong. She’s had this air of arrogance, as if she needs everyone to just calm down, this isn’t a real issue. Referring to all the people that took issue with her remarks as “kids”, really? She’s one of those annoying people we all hate who feel like one apology outweighs the initial act, the initial hurt. Once the apology is made, everyone should just get over it.

Glad the outrage machine roars on though, right @amyschumer?

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) September 2, 2016

ps I'll try and dance myself onto @michaelb4jordan if I have the chance, even when I'm a married grandma. I'm a red blooded str8 woman!

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) September 2, 2016

Second question. How does one get over something that plagues them everyday? The idea that Michael B. Jordan is someone that you feel the need to “grind” your ass on rather than sit and talk to. The idea that Odell Beckham Jr. is just some guy who’s not interested in your vagina. That’s not us. That’s not our men. You had no right to speak for him. You had no right to speak for us.

Third question. Is Lena Dunham not a feminist for her remarks? Is Amy Schumer still a feminist for kicking out the heckler but refusing to stand up for an entire population of people plagued by issues so insensitively mocked by her good friend? The two are still feminists in the same way that cops are still cops after publicly revealing that their racial biases govern how they do their job.

We’ll never know why she said what she said. And we’ll never know why Schumer didn’t call her out. But for now, it’s probably safe to say it just wasn’t their week.

A Letter From a "Skinny Bitch"

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Few things are more frustrating than annoying songs that are hauntingly catchy.

So you can imagine why I nearly jumped out the window recently after a car ride with my mom when she turned Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” all the way up on the way to our destination.

My mom, a proud plus-sized woman always loves a song that encourages women to feel comfortable in their skin. But as the lyrics marched their way into my ears, I was slightly frustrated at how this artist, who I’ve never heard of before, went about doing that.

The song refers to slim women as “skinny bitches”. Trainor determines that skinny women think they’re fat. She also assumes that skinny women don’t have booties, can’t shake them, and a few other pieces of nonsense not worth repeating, but certainly worth discussing.

I love a cold hard case of irony. But this is the type of irony really gets me questioning society. The same society, in fact, that people seem to be so hell-bent on fixing, despite contributing to the issues while on their quest for change.

Here’s a little anecdote:

Growing up, I had to drink nutritional supplements in addition to my meals because I was what Trainor called, a skinny bitch, even in my adolescence. I ate a fair portion of meat, vegetables, and every other food group, often in excess. Truthfully, I still do. But I am constantly told that I am envied, disliked, and even hated (yes, really) for my body’s ability to ingest food and not suffer typical consequences of weight gain.

The sad part of the story is that during my transition into teenage-hood, I had heard that I was “too boney”, “too scrawny” and “too mawga” (a name for skinny in West Indian culture) so often that I did actually believe that something was wrong with me. I actually believed that I needed to gain pounds and have curves and that I was ugly.

So when I heard this song, I just got fed up with it all. I guess I just thought society was past referring to excess fat as “junk”, be it in the trunk or any other part of the vehicle. I also assumed, perhaps wrongly, that not all skinny women need to be likened to Barbie dolls. Are we still on that? And lastly, I was really hoping that after the word skinny, did not come the word bitch.

But sadly, women as a whole are on our way to being society’s bitch, if we’re not already there. We do exactly what we’re told. Collectively, women spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on breast implants, Botox, medications to slow the natural process of aging, and diet pills. And we just keep going in whichever direction society’s wind blows when they tell us that big boobs are sexy, but not too big of course, that’s gross. Or skinny is sexy, but if you’re too skinny, you’re anorexic. Or short hair is sexy, but only if it’s styled a certain way…

I imagine that there are readers wondering who I think I am to be criticizing this emerging phenomenon of skinny-bashing. In fact, discussing this blog idea with a few friends yesterday, one of them said:

“Ugh, fat people have been bashed by skinny people for like, ever. Nicki Minaj came out with her song calling skinny girls bitches and now everyone’s upset.”

In a weird way, she made the exact point I was trying to.

Do we have to get even before we can stand as a united front against the real enemy?

I mean, who wins when women hate each other based on these differences? Certainly it can’t be our sisterhood, which is more crucial than ever in fighting off the opposition we face from in our domestic lives, the workplace, and in the public sphere. Better yet, who causes this disconnection amongst women? How have we, for years and years, let men dictate what and who is beautiful? How have we relinquished control on how we appear naturally, and furthermore, how that is perceived and accepted by society?

But most importantly, how long is this going to go on?

The same friend also said, "I still think anyone that takes offence to skinny-bashing is extremely ridiculous."

And from that came a point I wasn't expecting to make, but certainly need to.

What determines how a person is entitled to feel about how they are made to feel by society? Are my feelings automatically excluded from this discourse because I'm skinny? If so, I find that type of silencing method to be very tragic.

I got to a point where I, like many plus-sized women have at one point in their lives or another and said screw it, this is who I am.

My question is: why is that such a bad thing?

I cannot train my body any differently than the average person can on what to do with what it is fed. I cannot dictate to my metabolism what pace to digest the food I eat at. And I cannot for the life of me pack on pounds any faster than you can shed them.

I have interesting and very old news for everyone that assumes the same thing Meghan Trainor or Nicki Minaj does.

1. We do not think we're fat.

2. We are not all anorexic Barbie wannabes.

3. We are not all bitches.

Ultimately, it’s getting harder and harder to feel beautiful. Not to be beautiful, but to really and truly feel that we are. And to every woman out there who can still look in the mirror and find something she doesn’t feel the need to fix, I applaud you.

But for all the people, men and women, who in some way contribute to the never ending list of why women aren’t good enough no matter what they do with their bodies and themselves, and to everyone that ever told me I was “too this” or “too that”, in similar words to Tyra Banks:

Kiss my skinny ass.

  

The Bachelor Recap: You're Joking, Right?

I missed the “exciting” season premiere of season like, 101 of The Bachelor. However, during a 5 hour break between a lecture and my shift at work, I decided to watch it online.

It never ceases to amaze me how silly I can be sometimes.

To sum it all up, 25 plus an additional 2 women were selected amongst a sickening number of women who applied to be contestants on the show after finding out that the bachelor would be no other than some guy named (get your accents ready) Juan Pablo Galavis.

From what I know, he was on The Bachelorette last season and despite not winning the heart of Desiree Hartstock, he did win the hearts of women all over the world. Critics say it was his devotion to his daughter and life as a single dad that wooed us all. But maybe, just maybe, it had to do with his athletic build, perfectly messy hair, enchanting eyes, and “romantic” accent.

I watched in agony as the “wide” variety of blondes, brunettes, and the token black female were introduced. Each of them trying desperately to put on ridiculous Latin accents to impress him, appear genuine, loving, and “in it for love”. Despite vomit sitting comfortably at the back of my throat, I was able to waste an entire 86 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

As the show progressed, I found myself questioning the ultimate purpose of the show, particularly, the unintended consequences of it.

Maybe some of the women are in it for love, certainly some of them are in it for the publicity, and I bet a few of them are in it hoping for some sort of sexual encounter.

But as I sit here in the audience of God knows how many women, more critical than enticed, I can’t help but think about what this show says about women, and how it portrays us to be.

A number of these women in their introductions jumped at the chance to tell the stories of their “sad” and “depressing” love lives. One of them stated, “I was hoping to be married by 31.” As the visual image of depression grows on her face, she tells the audience the story of how that all fell apart after her ex-fiance called off the wedding six weeks after their engagement.

Aw, how sad. Two words: move on.

My spirits rose when a few of the women portrayed themselves as career-oriented females. One of them is a criminal prosecutor, one of them is a pediatric nurse, and to be honest those were the only two careers I remember really. My spirits sank again when the women attributed their devotion to their career as the reason they were unable to find love.

As if we haven’t seen this enough in our society; the unspoken ultimatum given to women; it’s either your career or your love life, and you'll be lucky if you can fit motherhood into the equation.

Although, Marissa Mayer did a fine job of indulging in all three.

I’m sick of it all.

After watching the show, unsure of whether or not I would progress to the second episode (luckily I have 6 days to decide), I couldn’t help but feel like women can do better. As much as I’d like to blame the television production company, I’m quite sure it wasn’t them holding knives to the throats of the contestants who uttered the following remarks:

“I’ve been dying to hug you.” (Dying, really?)

“It’s not just a rose, it’s my future.” (I doubt your future was that bright anyway, honey)

“I’m sick and tired of people looking at me and feeling sorry for me.” (This came from the woman who had been dumped by her ex-fiance and she said it as her eyelashes slightly unglued themselves)

I don’t know about you, but I don’t actually know any women like this. Not in real life. Most of the women I know who are single are single by choice, or patiently waiting for love. And half the women I know in relationships are dying to get out. Although we ought to be more careful with our use of the word "dying", right contestant #1?

Maybe it was my mistake to watch the show, although I do recall truly enjoying it when I watched it a few years ago. Mind you, that was before I took a few Women and Gender Studies courses at the University of Toronto and totally gave in to trashy, over-sensationalized television drama. I can’t be that unfair though, because I do watch every Real Housewives there is religiously. (New Jersey is definitely my favorite. Gotta love those Italians)

But how can we be onlookers of such genuine tragedy?

If you ask me, which I’m well aware that you didn’t, the biggest part of this tragedy isn’t the lame essence and desperation of the show. It’s that it has been so popular that it has lasted for like, 101 seasons, and evolved itself into The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad.

The only ray of light I found in the entire show came from, drumroll please, the Canadian! Woohoo! 29-year-old opera singer Sharleen came to the rescue of dignified women. She was granted the holy grail (first impression rose) for being “elegant” and “beautiful” according to Galavis, and undesperate, according to ME.

Prior to the rose being delivered to her, she mentioned on camera that she felt, quite frankly, that the build-up of the chemistry she anticipated fell short of what she felt, or didn’t feel, after meeting (accent time) Juan 

Pablo. She opened up about how forced the connection felt, and then she uttered these magical words:

“It’s about whether I feel something or not. That’s the most important thing.”

The best part of the entire show was her nonchalant reaction to receiving, and apprehensively accepting the rose. She actually said, "Sure", when he asked her if she would accept it. Priceless. She proved to everyone that desperation doesn't win you a rose, just ask the girl in the pink dress with the terrible dye job who thought he called her name, had to turn around, and asked if he'd take them both anyway. Yeah, that really happened.

Sharleen proved that being cool, calm, and collected in the midst of such madness might get you farther than an erotic massage 5 minutes into your one-on-one time.

Bravo!

I know that come next Monday, I will face a moral issue of whether or not to tune into it on television. And if I do it will be because I have absolutely no homework, will have consumed a glass of wine or two, and really, to see Sharleen, my heart (and vagina’s) hero.

But the promise I’m making to myself and to my readers is that I will not let down my sense of reality, and certainly not my understanding of it, and believe for one second that this is a fair representation of women.

But in case it is, we have got a lot of work to do.

What Modern Movies Say About Our Society

Early on in the new millennium, a series of “teenage dirtbag” movies came out: Euro Trip, Not Another Teen Movie, and the notorious American Pie. Since then, a few movies with the immature but totally attractive approach to comedy have come out. Movies like The Hangover, Knocked Up, and Superbad. The latest movie of this kind is 21 and Over, one that I made the mistake of seeing yesterday.

My problem is this: I love a good comedy, but find myself torn between appropriate comedy, and inappropriate comedy. And not in the “oh no there is a penis on-screen” kind of humour; in this day and age that is a given. But how far is too far with sexual and racial jokes? This is a question I found myself negotiating answers to as the poor plot unfolded on screen.

Within the first few minutes, I realized that this movie was really only “ha ha funny”, as in none of the comic relief causes us to laugh naturally. Instead each giggle was a result of feeling like we were being prompted by the signs they have on live talk shows.

Another thing that became clear was how sexually objectifying and patriarchal this movie was, even within the first few minutes. There were constant references being made to the nubile sister of Casey (played by Skylar Astin), with blunt references to what Miller (played by Miles Teller) intended to do with her. There was even a brief discussion of sexual intercourse between Casey and his sister. Incest much?

Believe it or not, things only went downhill from here. After spending time at a bar, the two guys, along with their drunk “yellow” friend, Jeff Chang (played by Justin Chon) who was constantly being reminded he was Asian, snuck into a girl’s sorority. Looking to track down a girl they had met there, they sneak into the “Latina Sorority” by accident. Here, there were a string of jokes about “crazy Mexicans” with “fat asses”. And naturally came the part where the two boys found themselves in a room with two blindfolded girls ready to be spanked, which Miller thoroughly enjoyed. The girls were forced to make out and fondle each other on the spot.

After escaping the “crazy Latina bitches”, they found themselves at another sorority. When they were greeted by a young Caucasian girl, Miller actually said “Thank God you’re white”. At this point, I had had enough. I grew to feel guilty for watching this movie, and laughing at the parts I felt prompted to, especially as a non-white female, but ultimately as a person with morals, ethics, and taste.

After watching this movie, I thought about what it might mean that these kinds of films are still being produced and watched. While it is comforting to know that the movie was only rated 5.4 stars out of a possible 10 on imdb, I feel that those were 5.4 stars more than the film deserved.

It would be very naïve of me to say that we should boycott these movies entirely; naïve and ineffective to say the least. Instead, perhaps the solution is to watch these movies. Maybe we should all just have a big movie night in which we revisit the movies that have been fundamental aspects of our developing years. I mean, what teenager or mid-twenties person hasn’t seen American Pie?

That is precisely the issue. We have seen these movies over and over and over again. We laugh at the jokes because they are so recurring that it must mean they are funny, even if something inside us tells us that there is something wrong with the message. We’ve been blinded by a series of different things that impede us from considering our morals and heck, our feelings, into what is funny and what is not.

The bigger issue here is not that these movies are watched and supported and continue to be made. The issue is that these films are largely where we get our ideas about women, our ideas about patriarchy, and our ideas about ourselves from. For us to think that we are impermeable, when in fact, the age group these movies have as their intended audience is perhaps the group of most impressionable people, is wrong.

If you’re asking what this has to do with International Women’s Week, I'd like to remind you of what I said in Monday’s blog entry. I stated that the ultimate objective of this entire week is to raise awareness. It’s to bring attention to the changes necessary for helping society arrive at a fairer place. While as individuals, changing the world is quite the difficult task, collectively, it becomes easier. This happens through awareness.

Recognizing that this kind of sexualization and objectification of women has no place in our society is crucial in having it removed. And really, there is no place for it in our changing society. 

Recent studies show that the amount of women enrolled in universities is at an all-time high, and is even higher than the enrolment of men. And despite not earning as much as men, women are well on their way there to breaking through the glass ceiling (google this word if you are unfamiliar with it). And another first time in history is that if Kate and Will have a baby girl; she will be the next inheritor, as opposed to their usual system of handing it off to the next male. This is HUGE.

I hope that not only this week, but from here on out, you heighten your ability to align your beliefs, morals, actions, feelings and words. It is my wish that you find a harmony within yourself that allows you to watch these movies and use them to outline precisely what is wrong with this world. Our entertainment is so highly reflective of trends and indicative of how people of different genders, different sexualities, and different races are to be treated and regarded in our society. And from what I have collected, there is a dire and urgent change that needs to be made.

As the great Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” 

What You Should Be Doing This International Women's Week

Happy International Women’s Week! Didn't get the memo? Don’t worry; you’re not the only one. In fact, a large portion of the population is entirely unaware that there is an International Women’s Day yearly on March 8th. Given the lack of awareness of month-long holidays like Black History month, and week-long holidays like this one, it makes me wonder if there is any point in observing them.

Perhaps the reason for all the doubt is because I personally believe that every day should be a celebration of both my African heritage and my womanhood. But that just sounds like a well-rehearsed and predictable statement. Nonetheless, I believe it is important to observe the festivities and pay homage to the women and men that have pushed The Women’s Movement forward and also to acknowledge that globally, there is still much work to be done.

102 years ago, the first commemoration of International Women’s Day took place in four countries: Switzerland, Germany, Austria and Denmark. The day was March 19^th, and it attracted a whopping one million women AND men’s participation in public events commemorating women.

I can’t say that I’ve seen such wide-scale participation of either Black History month or International Women’s week in my lifetime, leading me to ponder whether or not these types of holidays are outdated.

Maybe “outdated” is a little harsh, but a lot less harsh than my idea of using “irrelevant”. Truthfully, it seems that  after moving on from elementary school and high school, we become out of the loop with certain celebrations, simply because we aren’t being instructed to produce a piece of art that will be hung in the auditorium to be seen by all during the assembly, or to memorize “In Flanders Fields” every November. Heck, we wouldn’t even remember half the significant days that exist if they weren’t on our calendar, or didn’t call for some extra creativity on Google’s homepage from time to time.

So how can we make sure that these celebrations, undeniably worth being observed, are properly celebrated? More importantly, how do we change the notion of them being outdated?

Firstly, we have to recognize the lack of freedom that still exists. The recent gang and bus rapes taking place in India and Pakistan, and a long list, too long, of other countries are testament enough. Despite the image of freedom plastered all over the western world, we are forgetting about our counterparts in other countries and must use this week as a platform to reach out to them, and definitely to call attention to the injustices that happen frequently to these poor and innocent victims whose rapists are often freed, or subjected to minimal punishment.

We should also keep an eye out for the events that take place internationally; believe it or not the list is very extensive. Community centers, women’s centers and universities, especially, often have guest speakers and lecturers that come in to have discussions or panel events. Attending these functions allow you not only to learn a thing or two and hear inspirational stories, but to interact with women and men that are part of a larger cultural movement; one that will arrive society at a more equal place; so we hope.

Also, it is important to take individual action. For me, writing a five-day blog with specialized topics including abuse, girl-on-girl violence, sexual ambiguity, and how women have changed the world is my contribution. Surely it won’t reach the masses, but this is me reaching out to my community to draw attention to the severely underrated and under-celebrated event. Spending time doing some research about different people involved in The Women’s Movement, looking up different laws that exist around reproductive rights and sexual self-government, and how those laws have changed and evolved over time adds to our general knowledge about these holidays-which to me, is kind of the point.

Lastly, we can participate by accepting the mere fact that the objective of these holidays, like Black History Month and International Women’s Week (and day), are simply to bring awareness. And since there is such a heightened need for awareness about these things precisely, they will not grow to be outdated and most certainly not irrelevant anytime in the near future.

So get out there, reach out to your community, and most importantly; try and learn a thing or two. Also, stay tuned for the next four blogs coming up that are guaranteed to ignite a fiery conversation.

A Happy International Women’s Week to you, men and women alike, and may you be inspired by something because of it.