Nothing made this clearer to me than the daily communication requirements of a relationship. I guess there are just certain things that I felt more comfortable being not so honest about.
At the beginning of a relationship, everyone wants to impress the other person. So we say we can cook with our eyes closed and that yeah, we’re totally interested in that sport. But before you know it, you’re blindfolded in the kitchen or sitting in the bleachers being asked for the run-down of what happened while they were in the washroom.
Thankfully, my ability to see into the future (short distance only) allowed me to see that this is just not the path to take when you’re with someone you intend to be with for a long time. Here are three things you’re just gonna have to be honest about in your relationship.
1. Your past.
Two people meet at certain points of their lives, and if they like each other, they move forward together. Inevitably, there are bound to be a ton of things that happened, whether we like it or not, before our lives crossed paths, at least romantically.
While I can empathize with wanting to erase certain memories, and certainly the people the memories happened with, we have to be honest. I know we probably weren’t thinking that when we agreed to go streaking or do that other crazy thing, but if it made you who you are today, it’s a part of your identity.
So the best thing to do, as I had to learn myself, is to be honest. Don’t put on a façade, don’t under or over-exaggerate things you don’t need to. Be yourself, and if they like you, and definitely if they love you, believe me, they’ll stick around.
2. Your agenda.
The one thing my new relationship taught me is that I do have an agenda. When certain questions came up, I had answers to them. I knew that I wanted to travel after graduating from university, I knew where I wanted to settle down, and I knew that at some point, I wanted to get married and have kids.
As generic as my agenda sounds, these are things that I want to achieve for myself.
Sometimes, relationships bring out the people-pleasing side of us that we grow to hate so much in such a short period of time. The best way to avoid all of that is to let your partner know what you want to accomplish, and when you want to do it. If you don’t, you run the risk of being dragged along on someone else’s journey of life and can miss your stops altogether.
The best thing about you and your partner sharing your agendas is that here, you can begin to plan your life together (cringe). As scary as this might sound, everyone knows that questions about marriage and kids and home-ownership aren’t usually out of mere curiosity. If you had an agenda before this person entered your life; don’t throw it out the window. Hold on to it even tighter.
3. Your habits. Good and bad.
Maybe your room is clean to you, but it might look like chaos to your partner. Is that something that could break you up?
Maybe going out once a week isn’t a lot to you, but your partner might think you’re a party animal. Is that something that could break you up?
One thing I’ve learned is that relationships are relative. This means that what you do doesn’t only affect you anymore, but your partner as well. Plus, our habits offer insight into what our future selves might be like.
Sit down and have a talk with your partner about some of your priorities. They could be anything from smoking to watching that silly reality show every Wednesday. These are things that really might not be a big deal to you or your partner right now but are still important to discuss so that the untouched areas of life don’t rear their ugly heads into your beautiful and blossoming relationship later on down the road.
Besides thinking about what not to lie about, I also thought about why we lie in the first place. Two words came to mind: social media. While it has done a lot for us, it has also worked against us in terms of being accepting and honest. It allows us to hide behind a shield of carefully constructed and edited images, posts, and profiles.
One thing we have to always remember is that there are 7 billion people in the world. That is a lot of people. We shouldn’t have to lie, adjust our truths, or manipulate people into liking us or thinking we are a different version of ourselves. They might not like the real us, but 1, at least 1 of those 7 billion people will.
So while lying is sometimes the easy thing to do; we have to think long-term. Do we really want to create something that might be impossible to fix? But perhaps the most important question to ask is whether we want to be with someone we feel we need to lie to just to get them to be with us.
Hopefully your answer is no.